In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent, and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. For the first time ever on a Wednesday, we put it on the internet. This week:
- Does: Interior Designer and Freelance Editorial Contributor, 31
- Lives: Trinidad, not Tobago.
- Is: I identify as a cis-gender male, but enjoy blurring those socially constructed gender lines.
- Makes: $80,000 or something around there, its hard to tell because I’m all about that freelance life.
- Married? Nope, I’m polyamorous and a part of a wonderful throuple involving my two beautiful boyfriends.
- Thanksgiving: The three of us had black truffle sweet potato au gratin, slow-roasted pork loin with a medley of peppers and satsumas, rustic grilled and oven-baked rabbit, black truffle macaroni and cheese, haricot vert casserole topped with fresh fried onions, whipped and mashed potatoes drizzled with gravy made from the pork’s drippings and pureed peppers, black cherry cheesecake, pumpkin pie with a medley of freshly ground spices and hand rolled crust. All of this was accompanied by six bottles of wine and two signature cocktails that involved bourbon and gin, along side my favorite Jack Rudy cherries and elderflower tonic.
- Friday, my birthday: Homemade cinnamon french toast drizzled with my favorite low-brow syrup, black coffee, leftover pumpkin pie, more black coffee, skipped lunch, chicken bog, and a Hello Kitty ice cream cake. Not sure that this counts as food: MDMA and lots of water, because we are responsible drug users.
- Saturday: Jasmine tea and Tylenol, leftover macaroni grilled in the form of a sandwich, topped off with a dose of HTP-5 which helps rebuild your serotonin levels (again, we’re responsible drug users). The rest of the day I smoked weed and snacked on leftovers. Went to Haymaker for hot wings and IPAs with friends arrived from Paris. Home for more beers and second-day Kitty cake.
- Sunday: Black Coffee, then I split a chocolate and almond croissant with mon amie. Our friend from New Orleans is an incredible cook and he turned our kitchen into a Waffle House all afternoon–chicken and waffles, shrimp and grits, bacon, eggs, and hash browns for 20 people. My friend smuggled in black truffle cheese, wine, and butter from Paris. Two glasses of Grand cru wine from the Bordeaux region. We brunched from 1 PM until 7 PM and then we ordered Chinese food from Panda: lo mein, General Tso’s, wontons, etc. And, finally, the last of the Hello Kitty Ice Cream Cake.
- Thanksgiving: $10 Uber, $600 on groceries
- Black Friday, my birthday: A Christmas tree (later to be covered in rainbows, because we’re atheist and its important to be GAY AF, so Donald Drumpf doesn’t forget we exist), a squatty potty (because colon health is super important), new Red Wing boots, fake nose rings, Gold Bond lotion, and all black Calvin Klein undies ($327). One of my boys and I got a joint phone plan and I picked up the new iPhone, which only ended up costing ($38). From Redeem on 14th: a new ring ($100), a bottle of DS and Durga fragrance ($155), and a sick OAK leather bomber ($350). I bought my own birthday cake and some dinner supplies from Harris Teeter ($68.93). We also had to grab lube because we were out ($14.05).
- Saturday: Dinner and drinks at Haymaker ($48.68)
- Sunday: Cute pom-pom for my shopping bag from Salt & Sundry ($12), coffees ($7). San Pelligrino and some cinnamon Altoids ($10).
- Total: $1,740.66
Thanksgiving: TOO MUCH FOOD. No sexy time.
Friday, my birthday: I am currently having the best sex of my life. Not only do I have two men in my life that love and adore me and worship my body whenever they have the chance; our throuple is open so each of us is free to explore our sexual identity how we see fit. One of my boyfriends and I live together, and I refer to him as my “primary partner”. He is one of the most incredible lovers I have ever had. My secondary partner is absolutely gorgeous and fulfills every boyhood fantasy I ever had about being gay. We took MDMA, a gift from my secondary partner, and spent the evening being naked, having sex, vogueing, laughing, and sleeping in a cuddle puddle.
Saturday: I gave my secondary boyfriend a good morning blowjob. He’s an epic big spoon, and its my way of saying thank you for holding me all night long. He happily returned the favor.
Sunday: My live-in boyfriend and I escaped up to our room for some afternoon delight. It was so loud downstairs we didn’t even worry about making any noise. One of the benefits to dating two guys that are 6 years younger than you is that their sex drives are insane and they want to have sex ALL THE TIME, something I’ll never complain about. The weekend ended with us falling asleep in each other’s arms and me being incredibly thankful for how fucking awesome my life is.
Want to be featured in Food Money Sex? Introduce yourself in an email to email@example.com.