News & Politics

Food Money Sex: Drunk Oral Sex, A Scary Clown, and a $385,000 Salary

The weekend consumption diary for a random Washingtonian.

In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent, and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. On Mondays, we put it on the internet. This week:
  • Does: VP of Sales for a software company, 35
  • Lives: Reston, live with my fabulous government lawyer boyfriend of one year
  • Is: Female
  • Makes: $385,000
  • Married? Attached to said fabulous boyfriend
  • Friday: The morning found me oversleeping a touch and my lovely boyfriend offering to make me coffee while I walked my two Jack Russell Terriers. Got right into work so bypassed the option to make breakfast, which had me starving and thinking about lunch by 10AM.  I broke by 12:30 and, seeing as I was on back-to-back calls for work, I decided to run out to Starbucks to grab lunch. Cold brew with 1% milk. light ice, chicken peanut wrap with cucumber slices, puffed chickpea bites and a fruit cup were purchased though I ended up saving the puffs and fruit for later this weekend. By 4PM, I’d called it on work and met a girlfriend for drinks at Tico on 14th. A hibiscus margarita and a fried chicken taco + splitting mac-n-cheese and fritters went down the hatch and then we were off to Vinoteca on U. One glass of wine each, lots of chit chat and a cheeseboard later, we were off in separate directions. One block later, I intercepted fabulous boyfriend and we ran to Hawthorne’s rooftop.  He went for tried and true red wine for me while I took a call, though it ended up being dreadful, and I moved to a glass of prosecco after finishing the wine (can’t let it go to waste!). We split some pretzel bites, and he was kind enough to pay. We left and walked a few blocks to Tico as I couldn’t stop talking about those margaritas, and ordered two.  Finished quickly, ran to Trader Joe’s, and picked up a bottle of incredibly delicious and inexpensive Côte du Rhône. Quick drive to his place (our DC crash pad for now, before he gives it up), picked up my dogs, poured entire bottle of wine into a Swell, and headed for a night of drinking (illegally) at the Lincoln Memorial while tourists went bananas over the dogs, and we watched the moon light up our amazing DC skyline. Head home and boy breaks out Triscuits, salami, Camembert, sharp cheddar and one more beer to nibble on before we crash.
  • Saturday: Head into city for TigerFork’s inaugural brunch.  Two cocktails for me with the Bad Girl Mimi (amazing) and another Prosecco, followed by splitting the Har Gow, Shumai, Bean Curd Roll, Smashed Cucumber Salad, Tiger Balls and Chinese Bacon with the boy. Consumed two afternoon beers to celebrate our moving in together and downed Bell’s Two Hearted Quinannan Falls beers while we packed. Ran to my place and consumed more Triscuits, salami, cheese and added Maille pickles to the mix. Dinner was finally had which included one carne asada taco and shredded chicken nachos for me, plus sharing chips and guacamole with the boy. One blood orange margarita later, I decided that I was getting a bit full, but still wanted a buzz before seeing “It,” the movie that would force me to pee my pants, so I rocked a tequila flight of 1.5oz total.
  • Sunday: BF makes breakfast, I handle all drinks. This AM was english muffin sandwiches with egg whites, ham, bacon (yep double meat!) and melted cheese. I top mine off with a glass of V8 (I’d marry V8 if I could) and drip coffee with a Nespresso shot on top. Lunch consists of a hot dog (with delicious raw white onions!) at Costco and half a soda. I then run to a women’s leadership group that meets monthly, which consists of chicken salad, egg salad and cucumber tea sandwiches. The night ends with two bottles of wine while we christen our home’s newest addition—a kick ass ping pong table that my basement has spent years longing for.
  • Friday: My JCrew box arrived today with various items and led me to buying three more of the same cashmere mix sweaters ($337). $16.79 was dropped on Starbucks lunch and weekend snacks. I paid at Tico ($42 with tip) as I ordered all the snacks pre-her arrival and thought I could handle grabbing one drink for her. Vinoteca was split at $14 each with tip. Hawthorne was $32 picked up by the boy, back to Tico I balanced the tables (as we all should do, ladies!) and spent $29 for the two drinks, including tip. I picked up the bottle at TJ’s for $7.32 (I’m generous, I know!)
  • Saturday: TigerFork brunch is split ($49 each including tip) which isn’t so bad considering all we had, though there is still a little disappointment that we voiced concern when manager asked what we thought of brunch and he didn’t remove two dishes. Lame. Remembered to finally purchase mom’s birthday gift and called to order a gift card to her favorite local restaurant – $100. Spent $41 to pre-order movie tickets to go see “It” and terrify ourselves later that night, and $28 for food at Taco Mamba, with the boy picking up the drinks at $46.88. Before movie, swung by Nespresso store to nab a few sleeves and grumble as I signed for $111 worth of coffee. The coffee makes me moderately tolerable to some, so it’s worth it!! 😉
  • Sunday: Make a run to Costco, which leads to purchasing filet mignons, asparagus, rolls, chicken salad, rotisserie chicken and mini tomatoes. Total was $82.66, but I venmo’d the boy $60 as some of it was solely for my lunches, and the filets were my brilliant idea. We then had lunch which cost the boy a whopping $1.50 for mine—he is equally generous 😉 $0 spent on the incredibly well maintained ping pong table that was picked up off the Next Door neighborhood app from a neighbor.
  • Total: $913.99
  • Friday: The oversleeping meant skipping on the shot of pre-work shower sex, but that just allows for a heavier focus on getting it later that day. I was a little cranky about a joke I’d made the night before about being temporarily baby-crazy (read: insane) that was not returned by fabulous boyfriend. Evening ended with 30 minutes-ish of moderately drunk, fantastic run of foreplay/sex/head…thank God. Best part of sex with the boy is that no other sex has come close to being this good. There always seems to be an imbalance of him being attentive to me, which frankly just makes me want to nail him daily. Take note, gentlemen.
  • Saturday: Traffic on 66 was a dick bag, so what was “Sweet lord let me get us home asap” turned into “Dear God, I can barely keep my eyes open” when we got back, which meant a total lack of sexy time.
  • Sunday: Half asleep, I wake up to the boy who is in mega-cuddle mode which tuns into leisurely morning sex before wandering downstairs for our Sunday morning routine—my fave—of NYTs (including standard tearing apart of the Vows section—I particularly love the pictures where he isn’t smiling or they have six feet of distance between them).

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