News & Politics

Food Money Sex: Two Men, Three Meals, and None of It on My Credit Card

The weekend consumption diary for a random Washingtonian.

In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent, and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. On Mondays, we put it on the internet. This week:
  • Does: Clinical Research Manager, 30
  • Lives: Dupont, alone
  • Is: Female
  • Makes: $88,000
  • Married? Single
  • Friday: Breakfast consists of half a bag of Trader Joe’s Inner Peas (baked green snap peas) and a KIND bar. This is what happens when you live alone and desperately need to go to the grocery store. I snack on the other half of the bag of peas during the rest of the morning, and have a green tea latte from the office kitchen. I usually bring lunch to work, and today’s sad office desk lunch consists of sautéed chicken with corn and tomatoes, along with some roasted Brussels sprouts. I periodically snack on a coworker’s bowl of Dove dark chocolate to get me to the weekend. I planned to meet a girlfriend at Bar Pilar for happy hour, but she gets drenched in the downpour while biking and asks to reschedule, so I decide to munch on a handful of blueberries and some beet chips to tide me over until dinner instead. Dinner is at Mola in Mount Pleasant with my FWB (aka “friend with benefits,” an emotionally dead dude who for 13 months has been sporadically providing me with some of the best sex of my life, but also doesn’t seem to bat an eye at completely mindfucking me with confusion, mixed signals, and frustratingly intimate conversations that end with nothing except an abundance of self hate and tears). We have the fried goat cheese with orange blossom honey, pureed chickpeas with ground lamb, a salad, and seared tuna with pistachios. I have 2 glasses of red wine. After dinner, we go to FWB’s house to consume a tiny amount of mushrooms in chocolate, and head to Compass Rose for cocktails. I have an old fashioned that FWB helps me finish. Dessert is Breyers chocolate ice cream back at FWB’s house.
  • Saturday: I have another KIND bar, some blueberries and a plum when I get back to my place. Brunch is with my parents at Bistro Cacao, where I have lobster bisque to start, and then scarf down the grilled trout with green beans, and half of the mango mousse for dessert. I grab drinks (one rum punch and a mezcal cocktail) at Espita with two of my girlfriends in the afternoon. Dinner is at Blue Duck Tavern with a man I have been seeing (who meets me at Espita), an absolutely perfect human specimen that I have become very infatuated with, but whose age difference (18 years) terrifies me. I have the pepper crusted tuna, and a glass of white wine.
  • Sunday: I start with coffee at perfect man’s house, then have half a bag of Inner Peas, yet another KIND bar and two plums back at my place. In a clearly poor decision to try to numb my hangover, I have a glass of riesling at Commodore with a group of friends in the afternoon. Dinner is with FWB (clearly I am a masochist) at Cork after helping him shop for Burning Man. We have the avocado toast, of course, followed by the pork tenderloin, hanger steak, and grilled mushrooms. I also have a glass and a half of white wine which absolutely does not help me with my prolonged hangover, and I head home to soothe my pain with some sour patch kids before bed.
  • Friday: Buy fruit and snacks at Trader Joe’s for the weekend: $25.90. FWB takes care of dinner, drinks and Ubers.
  • Saturday: Ordered dining chairs and mascara off of Amazon for $229 and $5.29. My parents are kind enough to treat me to brunch. Perfect man takes care of drinks at Espita, Ubers, and dinner at Blue Duck Tavern.
  • Sunday: Uber home is $7.22. Glass of wine at Commodore is $11. FWB buys me a crop top during shopping, and takes care of dinner at Cork. Stop by Whole Foods on the way home for some groceries and spend $29.60.
  • Total: $308.01
  • Friday: A very long, slightly drunk, sex session after ice cream that starts on his couch, moves to his bedroom, involves a large variety of positions, requires multiple breaks and several condoms, lots of oral (yay!). and somehow in the process I manage to lose all 5 of my earrings and acquire a string of bruises on my arms.
  • Saturday: Sleepy fantastic morning sex that ends with oral (for him). The beginning of another sex session comes to a stop when he tries to do it sans condom, which goes against the universal FWB law. Saturday night consists of insanely intimate, intense sex with perfect man.
  • Sunday: More intense sex in the morning with perfect man that ends with bite marks on him.

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