News & Politics

Food Money Sex: Getting Sent Home From Work Because of Covid-19, Watching Pornhub, and Hungover Starbucks

In Food Money Sex, we ask anonymous Washingtonians to diary the food they ate, the money they spent, and the sex they had over the course of their weekends. Then we put it on the internet. Want to share your weekend? Email Mimi Montgomery at mmontgomery@washingtonian.com. This week:

Does: Podcast producer at a legacy news media organization, 26
Lives: DC with roommates
Is: Female
Makes: $84,000
Relationship status: Single

Food:

Friday: This was the week [of March 9, when] we were all sent home from work and told to work from home for the foreseeable future, thanks to the coronavirus. So, I treated myself to a bacon, egg, and cheese croissant from the convenience store down the street. Probably shouldn’t have done that, but I’m still healthy. Around noon, I had a burger and fries with a friend from work—another early social distancing faux pas. My card ended up not working because, at that point, I’d spend so much money throughout the day that my bank thought it was suspicious. My friend paid for the lunch and I cash app’ed her promptly (as soon as my card was fixed). Later that night, I went to Bar Charley after work to see one of my favorite regulars. The friend from work also came along and I had about three Street Juice cocktails.

Saturday: Shouldn’t have ordered delivery—my true crux and downfall (monetarily and in the waistline), but I did. And it was Starbucks, of course. Around 2 PM I broke into my groceries again to make eggs and bacon, a thing I could’ve done when I wanted Starbucks. In the evening, I did the most unordinary thing and went back to Bar Charley to grab more and more and more drinks with the staff and other regulars. Ended up going to the Green Zone with one of the waiters and gratefully and dutifully listened to him complain about being dumped by a girl that wasn’t me.

Sunday: Too hungover to eat until 2 PM. Ate a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich and ordered pizza later that night. I do eat like a 5-year-old child.

Money:

Friday: This was a pay day, which meant my wallet needed to buckle up for a wild ride. I bought groceries around 3 AM at the Giant on Park Road and felt dirty touching everything. It cost $118.62. I went to H&R Block to get my taxes done and spent $198 to not get a refund. I finally got paid for my story on cannabis that my news organization wouldn’t run, giving me an extra $200. I went to therapy and spent $170. Then I paid rent (I have a very chill landlord) which cost $734.

Saturday: Saturday night, I went to Bar Charley and spent a good $60.

Sunday: I spent about $30 on junk food and never felt better for it.

Total: $1220.62

Sex:

Friday: Masturbated to Pornhub in the morning.

Saturday: Masturbated to Pornhub in the afternoon.

Sunday: Masturbated to Pornhub in the evening! It’s healthy, folks and Lelo is a great company (sponsor me, please!). 

 

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Mimi Montgomery Washingtonian
Associate Editor

Mimi Montgomery joined Washingtonian in 2018. Her work has appeared in Outside Magazine, Washington City Paper, DCist, and PoPVille. Originally from North Carolina, she now lives in Petworth.