News & Politics

Washingtonian’s 2020 Presidential Debate Self-Care Not-Drinking Game

Protect your liver and your sanity during the final Trump-Biden face-off.

Channel some zen for the final debate. Please. Photograph via iStock.

We don’t blame you if you need a strong drink (or three) to make it through the final presidential debate on Thursday. (We’ve even got another drinking game and bingo card for you.) This time around, though, we’ve also devised a less destructive debate-watching game for those who’d prefer not to wake up with a hangover and crippling sense of existential dread. So, take a deep breath—not a shot—and grab a pint of chocolate chip cookie dough. We will all get through this… probably.

Inhale 1… 2… 3… exhale 1… 2.. 3… when:

  • One of the candidates interrupts the other 
  • Trump calls something (the economy, public health policy, himself) the “greatest ever in the entire history of the United States” 
  • Biden closes both his eyes and looks like he’s trying to astral travel to any other dimension but this one 

Take a sip of calming chamomile tea when:

  • Biden calls Trump a liar
  • Trump calls Biden stupid

Chug the chamomile tea when:

  • Either candidate calls the other a stupid liar

Light an aromatherapy candle when*:

  • Trump makes fun of Dr. Fauci’s ability to throw a baseball
  • Trump makes fun of Biden for wearing a mask
  • Trump makes fun of Philadelphia
  • *CAUTION! Please be careful not to burn down your house with all the aromatherapy candles you will likely need. 

Look at some cute pics of the National Zoo’s baby panda when:

  • Trump claims there’s going to be a vaccine before the election
  • Biden starts speaking directly to the camera 
  • Fracking is discussed for more than 30 seconds 

Eat a spoonful of ice cream when:

  • The moderator mutes a candidate when he is clearly still talking
  • One of the candidates complains about being muted
  • Either candidate coughs while talking about coronavirus

OK, fine, just finish the entire pint when:

  • Trump says “we really need to look into this whole Pizzagate thing”
  • The debate devolves into a back and forth about whether we can even trust the election results
  • The moderator says, screw it, and mutes both candidates at once

Turn off the debate and watch the Great British Baking Show when:

  • A fly lands on either candidate and appears to have died there

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Jessica Sidman
Food Editor

Jessica Sidman covers the people and trends behind D.C.’s food and drink scene. Before joining Washingtonian in July 2016, she was Food Editor and Young & Hungry columnist at Washington City Paper. She is a Colorado native and University of Pennsylvania grad.

Mimi Montgomery Washingtonian
Associate Editor

Mimi Montgomery joined Washingtonian in 2018. Her work has appeared in Outside Magazine, Washington City Paper, DCist, and PoPVille. Originally from North Carolina, she now lives in Petworth.