Good morning. The weather is … suboptimal. Following yesterday’s snow, the National Weather Service predicts possible snow and sleet before 1 PM, rain until 5 PM, and more rain mixed with sleet after that, with an overnight low of 35. The Capitals are the only NHL team with no players in the 4 Nations Face-Off, so they’re off until February 22. The Wizards continue their relentless pursuit of the worst record in the NBA—and with it, better odds of landing the projected top pick in this summer’s draft, Duke freshman sensation Cooper Flagg—with a 7 PM game against the Indiana Pacers at Capital One Arena. I’m filling in for regular Washingtonian Today author Andrew Beaujon, you can find me on the website formerly known as Twitter because I’ve been too lazy to sign up for Bluesky, and my email is linked at bottom of this post.
I can’t stop listening to:
If Books Could Kill. Hosted by the very funny (and very snarky) Michael Hobbes and Peter Shamshiri, this podcast dives deeply into “the airport bestsellers that captured our hearts and ruined our minds.” From “The Secret” to “Rich Dad, Poor Dad,” from Malcom Gladwell to David Brooks, Hobbes and Shamshiri not only skewer the popular tomes, ideas, and authors that have made us collectively dumber, but also the culture that eagerly embraced them in order to feel, well, smarter. If you’re wondering how everything got so stupid, don’t; it turns out we’ve always been this way. (Oh, and if you’re really in the mood for a treat, check out the bonus episode on New York City Mayor Eric Adams, an impossibly absurd character who seems destined for public disgrace and/or the White House).
Here’s some administration news you might have blocked out:
Hatchet man: President Trump signed an executive order requiring federal agencies to work with the US Doge Service—and yes, it still feels stupid typing those words—to slash their workforces and limit future hiring. Specific provisions include:
- Ordering agency heads to prepare to initiate “large-scale reductions in force.”
- Installing a “DOGE Team Lead” with oversight over hiring deacons at each agency.
- Recruiting no more than one employee for every four who depart from the government. (Jobs related to “public safety, immigration enforcement, or law enforcement” are exempt). (Washington Post)
Live from the White House, it’s the co-President! Speaking from the Oval Office, Elon Musk, who has not been elected to public office, said that the federal bureaucracy is an “unelected, fourth, unconstitutional branch of government,” that “does not match the will of the people” and that his goal is to “restore democracy.” Stating that DOGE’s actions are “maximally transparent,” Musk claimed without providing evidence that some officials at USAID had been taking “kickbacks”; that “quite a few people” in the government somehow had “managed to accrue tens of millions of dollars in net worth while they are in that position”; and that some recipients of Social Security checks were as old as 150. (New York Times)
Working the refs, sending watchdogs to a farm upstate: The White House fired the independent inspector general for USAID, whose office just issued a report warning that nearly $500 million in food assistance was at risk of spoilage or diversion after the Trump administration implemented an aid freeze. Trump previously fired 18 inspectors general despite a law requiring the administration to alert Congress 30 days before taking such an action. (Washington Post). Trump also removed a Democratic member of the three-member panel that hears appeals to firings and other disciplinary actions, clearing the way to create a Republican majority. (Government Executive)
Even more Elon: The White House says the world’s richest man—whose companies have billions in federal contracts—received an ethics training this week and will file a financial disclosure with the government that will remain confidential. (New York Times). Many of the government workers fired or pushed out by Trump were leading investigations, enforcement actions, and pending lawsuits against Musk’s companies. (New York Times). A DOGE staff list includes a former Clarence Thomas clerk. (Business Insider). Some Congressional Republicans are praising Musk, but privately sending letters to their constituents expressing caution and concern about his access to government information. (The Bulwark) Meanwhile, Musk briefly changed his screen name on the website he owns to Harry Bolz. Cool.
See you in court: A federal judge will consider restricting DOGE’s access to Department of Education data. (New York Times). A different federal judge ordered the CDC and FDA to restore online access to several websites that monitor HIV, health risks for youths, and assisted reproductive technologies in the wake of a Trump executive order directing agencies to recognize only male and female gender. (Washington Post) USAID contractors filed suit against the administration for attempting to shut down the agency, claiming a 90-day funding freeze violates both federal law and the Constitution. (Washington Post). House Speaker Mike Johnson, who has expressed support for overhauling the Constitution via a national convention, told reporters that courts and judges should “take a step back” before taking actions to slow the White House, stating that they “have to respect our constitutional order.” (Washington Post)
Taking cops off the tax crimes beat? Homeland Security Secretary and self-professed unconventional veterinarian Kristi Noem has asked the Treasury Department to deputize IRS criminal investigators to assist with immigration enforcement by looking into the flow of money involving human-trafficking networks and businesses that employ illegal immigrants. In 2024, IRS criminal investigators identified $2.1 billion in tax fraud and $7 billion in other financial crimes. (Wall Street Journal)
Oswald, Ruby, Cuba, the Mafia. Keeps ’em guessing, like some kind of parlor game: Following a Trump executive order demanding the release of all JFK assassination records, the FBI has discovered about 2,400 still-secret records that were never provided to a board tasked with reviewing and disclosing the documents. (Axios)
Our cursed timeline update: The White House and the Associated Press are apparently tusslin’ over the Gulf of America/Gulf of Mexico thing. We’re tired, boss. (Washington Post)
People in the news:
- JD Vance—remember that guy?—told the European Union that the US would not accept foreign governments “tightening the screws” on American tech companies/inauguration appreciators. (Washington Post)
- Fed chair Jerome Powell told Congress that because the economy is in good shape, the central bank is in no rush to lower interest rates. Meanwhile, Louisiana Republican Senator John Kennedy complemented Powell for bringing inflation down without a large increase in unemployment, which can only mean one thing: there’s a Republican in the White House! (WSJ)
- At a federal worker rally near the Capitol, House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries—taking a break from sweet-talking our tech overlords for money—told attendees that “the attack on you, the attack on the civil service, is unacceptable, unconscionable, un-American.” (Washington Post)
- In a letter to the Justice Department, Illinois Democratic Senator Dick Durbin accused FBI director nominee Kash Patel of “personally directing the ongoing purge” of bureau agents and possibly committing perjury during his confirmation hearing. Durbin also asked for an inspector general investigation. We still have those? (AP)
- Florida Republican Congresswoman Anna Paulina Luna will lead a task force on the declassification of government secrets, including files related to 9/11, UFOs, COVID-19’s origins, Jeffrey Epstein’s client list, and Elon Musk’s financial disclosures. Actually, we made the last one up. (Fox News)
The dumbest thing we read today (so far), by Patrick Hruby
Georgia Republican Representative Buddy Carter introduced a bill authorizing Trump to acquire Greenland and rename it “Red, White, and Blueland.” In a statement that was definitely written by an actual human staffer and not an LLM trained on the last six weeks of GOP press releases and Fox News transcripts, Carter explained that “America is back and will soon be bigger than ever with the addition of Red, White, and Blueland. President Trump has correctly identified the purchase of what is now Greenland as a national security priority, and we will proudly welcome its people to join the freest nation to ever exist when our Negotiator-in-Chief inks this monumental deal.” Somewhere, RFK Jr.’s brainworm just suffered a concussion.
One cheap thrill, by Andrew Beaujon
When Rosslyn station opened in 1977, its elevators were “the longest in the world outside the Soviet Union,” as the Washington Post reported at the time. Rosslyn no longer holds that title—at 194 feet, it is now only the 31st longest escalator in the world, according to someone who keeps track of such things. The Wheaton station’s escalator, at 230 feet, is 18th on the list, and it’s the longest escalator in our hemisphere. Metro is modernizing Rosslyn’s escalators this year, as it’s doing with elevators at a dozen stations. But the three-minute ride down Rosslyn’s electric stairs is still an experience worth savoring. For me, the trip feels like a visit to a slightly run-down vision of the future. I like to listen to the escalators’ creaking accidental music as I descend, though you could listen to Blur’s entire “Song 2” and still have a minute left over to wonder about the lyrics. Maybe try that on the way up?
Recently on Washingtonian dot com:
Wanna throw a literal damn axe at a projected photo of your ex? That’s just one of seven anti-Valentine’s Day events happening this week. Haters gonna hate, hate, hate.
Are Lauren Bobert and Kid Rock the perfect (alleged) power couple for our political and cultural moment?
Get the scoop on who bought and sold seven of the most expensive homes in the DC area—including a $3 million Potomac house purchased by an orchestral and chamber horn musician. We picked the wrong line of work!
These book-lovers threw a wedding they describe as “Jumanji Attic Chic,” and instead of giving guest favors donated the money to a local literacy nonprofit.
Local news links:
- A Democratic Congressional delegation wrote a letter to acting FAA administrator Chris Rocheleau expressing concern over Musk and DOGE’s interactions with the agency. The letter also asks for more information on airspace management around National Airport and reports that agency personnel have been told to stop participating in federal aviation rule-making committees. What could go wrong? (WCNC)
- Police say an airport dispatcher illegally recorded surveillance footage showing deceased victims after last month’s fatal midair crash at National Airport. A second airport employee has been charged with recording surveillance footage of the crash and providing it a media outlet. (ARLNow)
- Monumental Sports and Entertainment secured exemptions from DC climate law for its $800 million renovation of Capital One Arena. (Washington City Paper).
- Maryland lawmakers once again shot down a bill that would require transgender girls to play on school sports teams aligned with their sex at birth, rather than the gender they identify with. Currently public school policy requires school systems to review eligibility on a case-by-case basis. (Baltimore Banner)
- The Virginia High School League, which oversees sports at more than 300 schools across the state, will limit participation on girls’ teams to students assigned female at birth in order to comply with a Trump executive order on transgender athletes—abandoning a 2014 policy allowing those athletes to petition to play. (Washington Post)
Wednesday’s event picks, by Briana Thomas:
Take your sweetheart to an after-hours Wordplay soirée packed with puzzles, games, Immigrant Food sips, and tasty treats by Windows Catering at Planet Word.
Ahead of World Pride, join a virtual conversation with past Capital Pride Alliance honorees.
Mesmerizing pop vocalist Cody Fry performs with some of his musician friends at the Kennedy Center.
See more of Briana’s picks here.
Did you miss our 100 Very Best Restaurants List? It’s here. If you love your workplace, now’s your chance to nominate it for Washingtonian’s next Great Places to Work contest. Register here to get the ball rolling.
It’s Wednesday. Better than Monday and Tuesday!
Patrick Hruby joined the magazine in 2022. He previously worked as an editor or writer for ESPN, VICE, Sports on Earth, Global Sport Matters, and The Washington Times, and has contributed to publications including The Atlantic, The Guardian, The Los Angeles Times, and The Washington Post.
