Not in a romantic mood this Valentine’s Day? Not a problem. Whatever your catharsis of choice—dancing, crying, or even shredding—here are seven events with no roses or candy hearts.
Axe Your Ex
When: Thursday, February 13 to Sunday, February 16
Where: 1401 Okie St., NE
Feeling angsty about an ex? Project their photo on a target and go to town at Kick Axe Throwing in Ivy City. Sessions are $29 per person for an hour. Reserve a range here.
Awkward Sex…and the City
When: Friday, February 14 at 6 PM
Where: 1811 14th St., NW
Bad love stories can make for great comedy. The Black Cat is hosting a lineup of comedians who will share some of their most awkward—and hilarious—sex and dating stories. Tickets are $20.
Burning and Shredding of Grievances
When: Friday, February 14 from 6 PM to 10 PM
Where: 1600 7th St., NW; 79 Potomac Ave., SE
Write down your Valentine’s Day woes and destroy them in a cathartic ceremony at both Dacha locations. Choose your preferred method of destruction: stop by the beer garden in Shaw to shred grievances or the Navy Yard outpost to burn them.
Anti-Valentine’s Day Stoplight Party
When: Friday, February 14 from 8 PM to 2 AM
Where: 7581 Colshire Dr., McLean
Shipgarten, the expansive beer garden in Tysons, is hosting a stoplight-themed party on Valentine’s Day. Wear green if you’re single, yellow if it’s complicated, and red if you’re taken. No matter the color of your shirt, you can participate in activities such as writing cathartic letters to your exes or contributing a photo of a former paramour to the “Wall of Lame.”
Stupid Cupid Party
When: Friday, February 14 from 9 PM to 1:30 AM
Where: 627 H St., NW
Head downtown to Crimson Whiskey Bar for a party toasting singles. There’s no cover to enter, and the celebration will feature a DJ plus whiskey cocktails with names such as “Bitter Tears” and “Cowboy Casanova.” Whiskey flights are also available for $30.
“All the Single Ladies!” Drag Brunch
When: Saturday, February 15 from 10 AM to 2 PM
Where: 1301 South Joyce St., Arlington
Watch drag performances at Arlington’s Banditos Tacos and Tequila. The theme of the $10 show is “all the single ladies,” celebrating independence and self-love. Secure your spot here.
Cry n’ Vibe
When: Saturday, February 15 from 3 PM to 6 PM
Where: 900 Wesley Pl., SW
Commemorate “Valentears Day” at the Southwest Library with Kiara McGowan of @cryingindc, a TikTok dedicated to shedding tears around town. If you’re nursing a broken heart, hear and share stories of lost love at the free event. Register here.
