Not into Valentine’s Day? Whether you’re nursing a broken heart or just jaded with all the Cupids, here’s how to celebrate the romantic holiday—minus the romance.
Awkward Sex and the City
1811 14th St., NW
Head to Black Cat to hear East Coast comedians tell the tales of their most embarrassing intimate escapades. The stories range from absurd to downright raunchy. Details: Friday, February 9 at 8 PM; $20.
Violentine’s Day
209 M St., NE
Red Bear Brewing Co. is hosting an anti-Valentine’s Day party and drag show starring local performers and hosted by drag queen Desiree Dik. Doors open at 9 PM, but if you show up at 8 PM, you can catch the watch party for that week’s episode of RuPaul’s Drag Race. Details: Friday, February 9 at 9 PM; Free.
Anti-Valentine’s Day Singles Mixer
444 K St., NW
Who says being single on Valentine’s Day has to be stressful? Stop by Monko Dispensary for a chance to meet fellow single Washingtonians. Icebreakers include human bingo and a game of “red flag, green flag”: You write down the “flags” for dating you, and people try and guess your identity based off of them. Details: Wednesday, February 14 at 6 PM; $20.
Shredding and Burning of Grievances
1600 7th St., NW; 79 Potomac Ave., SE
Writing out your feelings is a great way of expressing them—but what about destroying them, too? Dacha is offering two different ways to do so on Valentine’s Day: Write whatever you’re feeling about your ex—or the concept of romance in general, we suppose—and then shred the paper at the Shaw location or watch it burn into cinders at the Navy Yard spot. Details: Wednesday, February 14 from 4 PM to 9:30 PM; Free.
Worst Date Ever Valentine’s Day Contest
620 T St., NW
If you’ve ever had a really, really bad date—got stood up, food poisoning, or even a roach infestation—it’s your time to shine. (And yes, the roaches are a real entry from last year’s event.) Story District is hosting their sixth annual “Worst Date Ever” competition at the Howard Theater, and whoever tells the worst story will win the not-so-coveted Golden Plunger. Details: Wednesday, February 14 from 7:30 PM to 9:30 PM; $30.
