Girl Scout S’Mores Are the Worst Thing to Happen to S’Mores

There are certain things you expect the Girl Scouts to do well. Cookies are one. Campfires are another. So it’s inexplicable how the cookie manufacturers for the Girl Scouts of America screwed up the ultimate campfire treat: the s’more. 

As of 2017, the Girl Scouts have sold cookies for 100 years. A whole century of delicious treats! And to celebrate, they’ve released Girl Scout S’mores. The Graham cracker-chocolate-“marshmallowy” sweets are advertised as the combination of “two iconic Girl Scout traditions.” But unless those traditions involve destroying flavor-memories and palm oil, the recipe is totally off-base.

Picture “opposite day” at the Little Brownie Bakers plant. Hey, let’s take a gooey, delicious treat that’s enjoyed in nature and turn it into a hard, chemically little biscuit that will destroy the rainforest (did we mention the palm oil?). These cookies are the worst thing to happen to s’mores since someone hiked into the woods, built a perfect campfire, assembled the Graham crackers and Hershey’s squares, and realized the marshmallows were back home on the kitchen counter. Because there are no marshmallows in Girl Scout S’mores. They have a vegan “marshmallowy filling,” which is like saying pizza has a vegan “cheesy topping,” i.e. it’s terrible and no one should eat it unless they have to.

So here’s what you should do instead. Go buy a box of Thin Mints, Peanut Butter Patties, or any of your favorite Girl Scout cookies. Then use THOSE to make a real, delicious s’more. And lay off the palm oil.

Food Editor

Anna Spiegel covers the dining and drinking scene in her native DC. Prior to joining Washingtonian in 2010, she attended the French Culinary Institute and Columbia University’s MFA program in New York, and held various cooking and writing positions in NYC and in St. John, US Virgin Islands.