If you think $14 cocktails are expensive…
Peanut butter and jelly at Community: $20
7776 Norfolk Ave, Bethesda
This new-wave Bethesda diner dishes up the priciest PB&J in town (or anywhere?). The kitchen makes its own grape jam from high-end Opus One wine, and serves the griddled sandwich with a half-bottle of Veuve Clicquot Champagne. Other than the fancy stuff, it’s just like mom used to pack for school lunch: Skippy chunky peanut butter, white Wonder Bread, and an apple.
Steak sandwich at BLT Prime: $24
1100 Pennsylvania Ave., NW
The Trump hotel’s grilled sirloin sandwich is pricey, even by upscale hotel standards—though it’s a tuppence compared to the lobby bar’s $100 cocktail. The meat is dressed up with fancy lettuces like frisée and watercress, and creamed Vermont cheddar (sorry, Bernie). Of course, there are truffle fries. Or you can scrap all the fancy stuff and get it well-done with ketchup.
Jambon beurre at Mirabelle: $26
900 16th St., NW
The spiel for this sandwich is reminiscent of a Portlandia sketch: house-cured ham made from a pasture-roaming heritage hog, fresh-churned butter, and a homemade baguette fashioned from organic flour. All that said, it’s still a $26 ham-and-butter sandwich.
Lobster roll at Fiola Mare: $32
3050 K St., NW
A traditional lobster roll features sweet-yet-cheap knuckle and claw meat stuffed in a hot-dog bun. Like with everything else, chef Fabio Trabocchi takes the luxurious route, tossing tail meat with Calabrese aioli, and tucking it into a fresh brioche.
The Lil’ Petey at Bub and Pop’s: $50
1815 M St., NW
Yes, this is a $50 deli sandwich. But it can be free! All you have to do is finish the five-pound hoagie with prosciutto, capicola, salami, pepperoni, brisket, fried chicken, cheese, potato chips, greens, tomatoes, and fried eggs in 15 minutes or less. Fame and heartburn guaranteed.