Project Runway Recap: Messy, Messy, Messy!

Every Thursday, we recap the previous night’s Project Runway. This week, we finally get what we’ve been hoping for.

All photographs courtesy of Bravo.

Okay, and we’re back! With Stella in a bikini! Um. That was totally unnecessary. (Though I did have a small spark of caffeine-addled affection when Terri told her she makes “kick” coffee.) Suede, on the other hand, has had to move in with the remaining guys, but he’s just happy to be one of the one of the last four guys standing. Um, along with the remaining five girls. So hurrah for Suede for solidly proving to be in the middle of the pack? Honestly, Suede, it’s really not that impressive if Stella and Goatee Joe are still around.

Aww, we love these three, but, um, WHERE IS NINA?! We NEED Nina.

We’re off to meet Heidi at the runway. And there’s a “special guest!” And it’s Tim Gunn! (Yeah, that’s not really very special. Even Tim agrees: “It’s just little ol’ me.”) Tim says he’s taking them to meet an extra-special special guest. (It better not be Michael Kors.) Says Leanimal: “I’m just relieved we’re not designing an outfit for Tim Gunn.”

Off the designers go to traipse through the trendy Meatpacking District. Blayne surmises that Mary-Kate Olsen lives around there—though we checked with our friend who also lives in the area, and he informed us that she actually lives in SoHo, while Ashley’s up on 13th Street, just FYI—and then launches into the best Mary-Kate-related monologue possible: “I want every challenge to be about Mary-Kate. I want to marry Mary-Kate. Who doesn’t? . . . Besides Tim Gunn.”But no, it’s not Mary-Kate. Instead, Diane von Furstenberg—former wife of royalty, current wife of a billionaire, prez of the Council of Fashion Designers of America, and champion of wrap dresses for the past three decades—descends the down a seriously long staircase, looking pretty fabulous for 61 years old. Kenley nearly bursts into tears. Clearly, Diane is her Mary-Kate.

Kenley, contemplating ways to auf Leanimal in hope of becoming Amer…er, Project Runway’s next top designer.

The designers spend some time tearing apart Diane’s sample room—it’s fairly uneventful except for some fun footage of Tim Gunn looking seriously exasperated with Stella’s incessant whining—before they head back to the studio. And then the trash talking begins!

Blayne remarks, “I like to show versatility and not just another pair of the same pants. Like somebody else does.” Cut to Terri whipping up a pair of her signature high-waisted, wide-leg pants. (We still love when they do that!) Stella refuses to tell anyone what she’s making—but let me guess: a midriff-baring leather vest and inappropriately skimpy bottom? Everyone enjoys imitating Diane’s aristocratic Belgian accent. And Leanne wins our hearts even more by hilariously skulking around the studio as “secret agent Leanimal.”
Stella talks some trash about last episode’s guest judge Rachel Zoe, whom she calls “the stylist with the oversize muumuu dress and the waistband [who] didn’t know any better.” Tim Gunn immediately does a camera aside: “Sorry, Rachel Zoe! We mean that only in the nicest way!” To which Stella kind of awesomely responds, “No, I didn’t.”

After making his rounds, Tim Gunn leaves with these words of sage advice: “I believe that you have the ability to blow Diane von Furstenberg’s stilettos right off those staggering legs of hers!”

See ya leatha, Stella! Say “Hi” to Ratbones.

And so off we all go to the runway. Leanimal remarks, “I’m kind of surprised that Joe’s still here at this stage of the game.” Us too, Leanimal. Us too. Especially when we see the hideous cheongsam-style outfit and weird hoodie thing he sends down the runway, which he says “truly represents me as a designer.” Diane looks less than thrilled herself.

Jerrell is “taking both his hands and patting himself on the back” for his bulky turtleneck-meets-huge sparkly brooch creation. Not so fast, Jerrell. Because we have to say that outfit is really hideous. (Lucky for him, there are still some mediocre designers in the mix, so he’s safe for another round.) I thought Joe was a shoo-in to go home, but Stella’s hideously made garment really gives him a run for his money.

Kenley tells Diane that she “needed just a dress walking down the runway” in her collection. Leanne rolls her eyes, we roll our eyes, but Diane seems to appreciate her spunk. Suede’s camouflage maxi-dress gets ripped to pieces, but we agree with his defense: “I don’t think it’s that bad.” Stella and Joe both get called out for being “messy, messy, messy!”

In the end, our dear Leanimal wins for her gorgeously detailed blue gown and cropped trench. It comes down to Goatee Joe and Stella to get the boot. Couldn’t they just have gotten rid of them both? (We would have loved that!) Stella and her self-described “big ego” are finally, finally out of here. Looks like Joe and his goatee (and his gold chain and his mullet) will be around a little longer.

Next week: More smack talking! More eye rolling! More ugly runway crap! At least things are heating up . . .

Read last week’s recap here, and check back next Thursday for Betsy’s Project Runway recap!

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