Monday, April 1
ANNIVERSARY: Don your finest suit or dress—our little girl Pharmacy Bar is celebrating her quinceañera today. Or just wear whatever you usually do, it’s a bit of a dive anyway. The Adams Morgan institution is serving up $1 Natty Bohs and cutting prices back to 1998 levels all night; there’ll also be a host of old deejays to make you feel all nostalgic. Free. 6 PM.
Tuesday, April 2
WINE: Who says France or Argentina has the best wine? There are plenty of vineyards growing world-class vino right in your backyard. Vinoteca will show you what to look for with USA! USA! USA!, a wine class that focuses on pours sourced from states other than California, Oregon, or Washington. The class includes five wines and food pairings. Tickets ($40) are available online. 7 PM.
Wednesday, April 3
SEX: Everyone has a good (read: funny, embarrassing, awkward) sex story or two, but not everyone has the guts to spill them to strangers. Luckily, comedians exist. Head to Black Fox Lounge for Bare, a night of sex stories about times the performers used their ingenuity to solve a sexual problem. Fingers crossed none of the anecdotes involves a sandwich bag. $8. 8 PM.
Thursday, April 4
ART: FotoWeek DC’s Spring in Focus opens up this week, and hopefully with it we’ll finally get some springlike temperatures. Subjects include the cherry blossoms, which maybe someday will actually bloom. Expect beer, wine, and light food to celebrate. Free. 6:30 PM.
Know of something cool going on around town? E-mail Jason Koebler at email@example.com, or find him on Twitter.