Thursday, February 14
DANCE: Still no plans for Valentine’s Day? As the famous saying goes, those who dance together, umm, usually have a really good time—bring your date to Black Cat’s Rock & Roll Dance Party, featuring five deejays spinning what’s likely to be a good mix of songs that both exalt and trash love. Free. 8 PM.
BITTERNESS: Get tanked at Town Tavern’s Cupid Is Stupid party, where you can get $10 pitchers of beer until midnight and $3 cherry bombs all night. Hope you’re ready to call in sick tomorrow. Free. 5 PM.
PLUG ALERT: Quick reminder in case you don’t read my Monday posts (what’s wrong with you?): Washingtonian’s Singles Soiree is tonight at Penn Social. Meet your next date playing skeeball, cornhole, pool, or shuffleboard, or on the dance floor. Fifteen bucks gets you in the door, two free drinks, and complimentary appetizers. Presale tickets are sold out, but a limited number are available at the door. 7 PM.
Friday, February 15
MUSIC: Ian MacKaye doesn’t play too often these days, so when you get the chance, you go see him. The Evens are playing a benefit show for the St. Stephen’s building fund in the church where MacKaye used to thrash around so many years ago. As you probably know, his new band doesn’t sound anything like Minor Threat or Fugazi, but still brings some aggressive and technical-sound guitar. $5. 7 PM.
COMEDY: If you’re single, hopefully you spent Valentine’s Day like Ron Swanson would: eating tons of meat, sipping neat whiskey, and enjoying your own company. Congrats for not being a blubbery mess; now go see the man behind the legend, Nick Offerman, perform standup at Warner Theatre. Offerman is more like Swanson than you could possibly imagine—the comedian carves wooden canoes out of tree trunks and things like that in his free time. Tickets ($29.50) are available online. 10:30 PM.
STORYTELLING: Speakeasy DC takes over Dance Place with Sucker for Love, a weekend of storytelling about love (duh), loss, horrible dates, and weird stalkers. Tickets ($25) are available online. 8 PM.
Saturday, February 16
DANCE: It’s been a tough month for the DC dance scene: We recently lost DC9’s Liberation Dance Party, and this weekend’s Fatback is the last ever. For five years, you got a good mix of soul, funk, and a ridiculous crowd at Liv on U Street. Pop on your most ridiculous outfit and get ready to move one last time. Lines can get long, so try to get there early. $10. 10 PM.
POKER: Are you a card shark? Head over to Chance for Life’s charity event at City Tavern Club. You’ll compete against more than 200 players for the chance to win $10,000 and a seat at the 2013 World Series of Poker tournament. You’ll also get entry into a two-hour wine-tasting and after-party that runs til 1 AM. Proceeds go to pediatric spinal cord cancer research. Tickets ($55 for the after-party only, $75 for the tasting and after-party, $300 for the whole enchilada) are available online. 1 PM.
EXERCISE: You’ve no doubt sweated plenty at U Street Music Hall—but that was probably incidental as you were listening to the heart-vibrating bass. VIDA Fitness is throwing a Zumba in the Club Party, featuring two hours of nonstop Zumba blasted over the club’s sweet sound system. Rest your feet during the after-party, or keep moving if you’re a fitness nut. Tickets ($30) are available online. 5 PM.
MARDI GRAS: Washington has really been lacking on the Mardi Gras events this year, but LivingSocial’s got your back. It’s taking over the Carnegie Library for its gala, which will feature live music, rum tastings and cocktails, an open wine and beer bar, and a Cajun buffet. Don’t forget your masquerade mask. Tickets ($99) are available online. 9 PM.
Sunday, February 17
BURLESQUE: Burlesque gets out of Black Cat’s divey back room and into the glammed-up Howard Theatre this weekend. GiGi Holliday will headline—openers include Tilted Torch, who made regular appearances at Red Palace, and Chicava Honeychild, fresh from New York’s Brown Girl Burlesque. Tickets ($15) are available online. 8 PM.
CLUBBING: Grey Goose is taking over Cafe Asia for a vaguely themed President’s Day party, which promises tons of vodka and probably very little education. From 8 to 9 PM, there’s an open bar of Grey Goose, and admission is free till 10. After that, things get clubby and lounge-y . . . beware. Free. 8 PM.
Monday, February 18
TRIVIA: Cause DC is, as far as I know, the only nonprofit bar in town. The “philanthropub” donates 100 percent of its profits to various charities, and you get to feel all right about ordering that extra round. Every Monday the pub hosts trivia—it being President’s Day and all, we suggest you brush up on all the obscure facts you happen to know about Honest Abe. The winning team gets $50 off their bar tab. Free. 7 PM.
COMEDY: Townhouse Tavern will host a night of comedy up-and-comers. More than 20 local comics will perform, so you’re bound to get your share of cringe-worthy jokes, but that’s part of the fun, right? Free. 8 PM.
WIZARDS: Black Cat is having more Muggle Mondays—it’s screening Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part I. As always, there’s butterbeer drink specials, but that’s not why you should go. You should go to check out Harry & the Potters, the Wizardcore band who play songs you just wouldn’t get if you didn’t attend Hogwarts.
Concert: Tickets ($12) are available online; 6:30 PM
Movie: Free; 8 PM
Know of something cool going on around town? E-mail Jason Koebler at email@example.com, or find him on Twitter @jason_koebler.