It’s been another wild year, and we’ve got receipts. There were a lot of unusual animal stories, including an on-the-loose llama in Fairfax (2022’s foiled attempt at upstaging the 2021 fugitive Zebras?), a skinny-dog convention at the beach, and that time a chicken ruffled a bunch of feathers at the Pentagon. There were also some bizarre real estate stories: the time that pirate ship houseboat went up for sale, and then again when it was purchased and turned into an Airbnb—though honestly, that series had nothing on the $800,000 Fairfax home that came with a person living in the basement. There was even a story that featured elements of real estate and animals—a $4 million Great Falls mansion that hosted an open house with alpacas. And let’s not forget: Lizzo playing James Madison’s flute, “friendly” fake feds, a surprising celebrity cat, a penis park, elephant drama, and more. Join us on this weird walk down memory lane, won’t you?
Tim Kaine, Stranded on I-95 for 27 Hours, Finally Gets a Bowl of Pasta
And not just any pasta: Red Hen’s famous sausage rigatoni.
John Krasinski Walks Around the White House, Runs into Doug Emhoff
The Inside Story of Pentagon Chicken’s Capture
This $800K House in Fairfax Will Go Quickly. It Comes With a Person in the Basement.
Despite an “Ozark”-like scenario, there’s already one offer, says the listing agent.
Fratty Parties, Secret Government Jobs, an Alleged Porno Shoot: Inside the Navy Yard Suspects’ Wild Apartment Building
“You talk to people here, you’re like, ‘Hey, what do you do for a living?’ They’re like, ‘I work for the government.’ You just know not to follow up.”
This Man Went to a Bachelor Party. When He Returned, His Front Door Was Painted Like an Old Bay Tin.
An interview about Maryland pride and living with an extremely loud door.
A Former Toxic Waste Dump in a Hot DC Neighborhood Is for Sale for $1.3 Million
And it’s already under contract.
The DMV’s Handsome Fictional Trucker Has Quite the Backstory
He’s a veteran, an organ donor, and possibly a squatter. No word on whether he’s single.
Trucker Convoy Stragglers Get Kicked Out of Racetrack, Form New Movement, Visit the National Mall, Don’t Go Home
The People’s Convoy may have disbanded, but some of its members plan to stick around.
Don’t Worry, It Only SEEMS Like DC Is Being Swarmed by Snakes
Experts say it’s just a typical slithery year.
This Fancy Caviar Dish Is Served With Bedazzled Handcuffs
Pineapple & Pearls pays a kinky tribute to New York restaurant the Quilted Giraffe.
That Time Congressman Mark Pocan Did Magic Tricks for Uzi-Toting Guerrillas
“The guerrillas were great—they enjoyed it.”
This Pirate Ship Houseboat on the Northern Neck Is Selling for $49,000
It comes with cannons, mermaids, and a spooky skeleton crew.
You Can Party With Alpacas Tonight at This Great Falls Mansion’s Open House
The home is listed for $4 million and has seven beds, space for 20 cars, and a guest house.
Lorde Concert Goes Swimmingly Before Potomac Confession
“We do not provide travel advice about individual locations in the United States,” New Zealand’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs & Trade tells Washingtonian.
Student Loan Forgiveness’ Unintentional Consequence: This DC Woman May Have Found a Sugar Daddy
Like all great love stories, it begins with a Twitter poll.
Before “Don’t Worry, Darling” Drama, There Was Bigfoot Erotica Drama
Olivia Wilde’s mom called her opponent a “devotee of Bigfoot Erotica” during her Virginia campaign.
Lauren Handy Claims to Have Actually Had 115 Fetuses
Last week, DC Police found five fetuses in the home of pro-life activist Lauren Handy. During a press conference Tuesday, the pro-life group Progressive Anti-Abortion Uprising claimed that figure was incomplete.
We’re Sorry to Inform You That We’ve Live-Blogged the Queen’s Funeral
“I can no longer see the funeral because there are so many TV reporters with big fuzzy mics in the way.”
Yes, DC Misspelled “Virginia Avenue”
Embarrassing, since Virginia is about a mile away.
Lizzo Plays Crystal Flute From Library of Congress at DC Show
“I just twerked and played James Madison’s crystal flute from the 1800s!”
Remember That Pirate-Ship Houseboat? It’s Now an Airbnb.
“We’ll always have a cool story about the time that we bought a pirate ship,” says the new owner.
Yes, We Are Living in a World Where Beyonce Might Own the Washington Commanders
Husband Jay-Z has been floated as a potential new co-owner of the football team.
Today in Silver Line Discoveries: Brambleton’s “Penis Park”
An aerial view of Legacy Park leaves little to the imagination.
Meet Prince Snowflake, the Region’s Oddest “Celebrity Cat”
Snowflake is a model, actor, and magician. He invents his own tricks and can allegedly talk.
Nancy Pelosi: Please Check Out These DC Hot Dog Spots
The politician recently divulged her favorite workday lunch: hot dogs.
This Fine-Dining Restaurant Is Stalking Your Dog on Instagram
Michelin-starred Jônt personalizes treats and toys for pet-owning diners.
What’s the Deal With Brian Robinson’s Big Hat?
We just can’t ignore the Big Hat that was in the room, atop the head of the Commanders running back.
When 400 Greyhounds Gather at the Beach, Things Get Ruff
Three wild days at a convention for the beloved skinny dogs.
Washington’s Newest Drama Is Here—and It Involves Elephants
Will Dutch newcomers Trong Nhi and Nhi Linh mate with a much older dude from Miami and establish a matriarchal society?
The “Missing” Fairfax Llama Has Been Reunited With Its Owner
Kolby the llama is home.
Florida Man Opens DC Bar That Looks Like a Swimming Pool
Royal Sands Social Club brings frozen cocktails and beachy food to Navy Yard.
Help, We Can’t Stop Watching T.J. Oshie Drink From a Candle Holder at Tom Wilson’s Wedding
A rum-and-coke in another glass just wouldn’t do, we guess.
Amy leads Washingtonian Weddings and writes Style Setters for Washingtonian. Prior to joining Washingtonian in March 2016, she was the editor of Capitol File magazine in DC and before that, editor of What’s Up? Weddings in Annapolis.
