This past weekend was definitely the craziest, most emotional two days I’ve ever had. It was also the best time of my life. Family started coming into town the week before, and were able to help finish assembling the favors and hospitality bags. The last couple of days leading up to the wedding were a bit of a mad rush. Everything had to be done, because we were scheduled to leave Friday to drive up to Antrim 1844 in Taneytown, Maryland.

We arrived at Antrim just in time for the rehearsal, and I was a little anxious from frantically making sure I hadn’t forgotten anything. The rehearsal was nice—and a little surreal. When it was over, we changed for dinner and drove to the Sheppard Mansion in Hanover, Pennsylvania, for the rehearsal dinner.

To: Mr. and Mrs. Ben Haslup. I held the check in my hands and stared at it for a minute. Who’s Mrs. Ben Haslup? That name is completely foreign to me. For some reason, it kind of freaked me out. I’d never thought about it before, but changing your name is a big deal. All of a sudden, you’re called something completely different. Will I be the same person after my name changes?

I want to take Ben’s last name, but I want to maintain the part of myself that I’ve identified by name for almost three decades. So I made some decisions to help balance the married woman with the Diana Nolan I’ve always known. I’m going to keep my maiden name at work and my married name legally and at home. Also, I know that many women like to be called Mrs. Husband Husband, but I’ve decided that it just isn’t me. My name has never been Ben, and just as Ben wouldn’t like to be called Mr. Diana Nolan, I’m not going to be Mrs. Ben Haslup. I’ll be Mrs. Diana Haslup.

Diana studies up on life and love during her premarital counseling retreat.

My dad’s side of the family is very Catholic, and it was important to him that Ben and I get married in the Catholic Church. This was a bone of contention because we wanted to be married outdoors, which the Church doesn’t allow. So after we saw a priest on the vendor list at Antrim 1844—which does primarily outdoor ceremonies—I decided to do a little research.

Turns out the priest is part of the Eastern Rite, a sect that will perform ceremonies outside. And it’s still valid in the Catholic Church because the sect answers to the Pope. This was great news for us and the perfect compromise with my dad.

Part of getting married in the Catholic Church is going to a marriage-prep program. We had the option of going to a class that would last six weeks, meeting with a mentor couple through the Church up until the wedding, or going on a weekend retreat. Between planning a wedding; working full-time; making time for family, friends, workouts, and “us time”; and keeping sane, we certainly didn’t have time to go to a six-week class. Plus, the idea of a retreat where we could meet other engaged couples was really appealing. So we signed up for Engaged Encounter.

Ben isn’t Catholic and was a little hesitant that he might be pressured to convert, but I assured him that he wouldn’t be forced to participate in some strange initiation ritual. This made him feel better, and after a while he began to get excited about the idea of “getting away” and meeting new people.

Diana and her friends at her bachelorette party.

When I first got engaged, I knew the following year would be focused on my relationship with Ben and our transition from being an engaged to a married couple. What I didn’t anticipate was that it wasn’t just my relationship with my fiancé that would grow but the many relationships with all the women in my life as well.

The most important woman in my life is my mother. I’m an only child, and I think many only children take the friendship that would otherwise be a sibling relationship and transfer it to a parent. My mom has always been one of my best friends and was so excited when I got engaged to Ben. Recently, she has mentally been balancing between the happy mother-of-the-bride and the “oh my God, my only daughter is getting married” feelings. This balancing act can be a little difficult. This past weekend, she burst into tears during a discussion of the seating chart, and the sudden change of mood had me really confused. In order to help me sort out what my mom must be going through, I called my cousin and matron of honor, Sarah, who has always been like a sister to me.

All of the topics I’ve covered so far are about everything I’ve been doing and things I’ve learned along the way. However, as this is the beginning of a partnership, I think it would be short-sighted to leave out one of the most important opinions: my fiancé Ben’s. Like most guys, Ben started out with a very simple view of what it takes to plan a wedding and has since, let’s say, “learned the ropes.” So, fiancés and fiancées, here are some pointers from my groom:

Now that Diana and I are less than a month from our wedding, she thought I might have some good advice to pass along to other grooms-to-be. I can speak only from my experience, but I hope some of you find this list of pointers helpful. From one groom-to-be to another, here goes: 

Six months before the wedding, it was time to start thinking about stationery. This is usually the point where the groom’s eyes start to glaze over and he tells you to just take care of it because he doesn’t really get jazzed about comparing paper and color samples. To him, eggshell and cream are just things he might find in the kitchen. So my mom and I were on the hunt for invitations and programs.

Ben and I designed the save-the-dates ourselves. Ben is pretty crafty with graphic design and created a magnet save-the-date that I printed through an online company called Print Pelican. I found that using a generic print company instead of a niche wedding company is a lot more economical, and you can get a more personalized finished product. Our magnets cost 97 cents each and looked fantastic.

Everything we’d experienced thus far at our venue, Antrim, was delightful, but the one thing we hadn’t tried yet was the food.

Antrim is a bed-and-breakfast with a renowned restaurant called the Smokehouse. Of course we read all the reviews first about chef Michael Gettier’s skills, but we needed to taste for ourselves. Part of planning an Antrim wedding is visiting with Chef Gettier to construct your menu, and then going out for a complimentary dinner at the Smokehouse.

Because Antrim is a little more than an hour from our house and it was two weeks before Christmas, Ben and I decided to take a little time away to have a full-on planning weekend. Keith, the on-site wedding coordinator, gave us a discounted rate on a room at Antrim, and we met with Chef Gettier to plan our menu. Admitted foodies, Ben and I got our list of potential dinner-and-appetizer combinations and felt like kids in the proverbial candy store. Did we want chèvre-stuffed dates wrapped in bacon? Yes, please! How about a little tuna tartare? We’ll take it! Chocolate-covered strawberries? Yes! Each item sounded better than the next, and before we knew it, we were both drooling.